EclecticLip

…continuing the adventures of two Canadians in Boston, in regards to public transit, iced tea and donuts…

We saw that rarest of American creatures yesterday, the suburban transit bus. Driven nearly to extinction by its predator, the shrill-throated free-market Republican, it’s been making a comeback in recent years.

I’m loving the non-sweetened iced tea down here; a drink seemingly available only in America. And Japan. And, come to think of it, elsewhere. So I guess it’s only unavailable in Canada. Peculiar, given our cold weather and British colonial roots — you’d figure it’d be the quintessential Canadian drink.

There was a Dunkin Donuts near where we had lunch, and I told our hosts I had to try one out. They warned me that in America, “no one goes to Dunkin Donuts for donuts — they go there for the coffee.” But being the maverick that I am, I went there anyways. Though sorely tempted by situational irony of the Boston Cream, I chose the vanilla frosting. (The custard would’ve drowned out the flavour of the doughnut proper, as chocolate would’ve.)

I can now confidently assert that in America no one goes to Dunkin Donuts for donuts.

Dunkin serves a parboiled, toroidal monstrosity — probably to the same specification as Tim Hortons. (Not that I’ll refuse Tim Horton’s donuts, mind you.    )

For non-connoisseurs, the parboiled donut is to authentic donuts as McDonald hamburgers are, to the traditional American diner burger: a cheap ubiquitous knock-off which tastes marginally like the original.

Now don’t get me wrong, from an industrial engineering perspective parboiling is awesome; I’m sure Dunkin has a six-sigma process, and part variability is minimal going into the final baking step. But only a gastronomic barbarian would pre-boil what should be deep-fried or baked)!

Interestingly, Dunkin Donuts is the very chain that’s crushing Tim Hortons’ attempt to enter the northeastern US market.

Interestingly-er, the donut entry on Wikipedia is the target of a vandalization campaign; here’s the version I used as I wrote this update.

It includes such priceless ‘facts’ such as:

“…before [donut holes] were used for eating they were used for cleaning windows.”

and, appended to the paragraph explaining how the Dutch probably introduced donuts to America:

“…there is also archaeological evidence that the pastries were prepared by prehistorical Native Americans in the southwestern United States.”

(Hey, there’s a footnote! It must be true!)

More to come soon…